Instead, tell her how much you love being intimate with her, not only because it feels great but because it makes you feel more connected to her. 25 Romantic Things To Say To Your Husband, 12 Things To Do When Husband Is Not Affectionate Or Romantic, 7 Ways To Get The Romance Back After Having A Baby, 10 Best-Selling Relationship Books Couples Can Read Together, How To Make Up For Forgetting Your Anniversary 8 Ways To Do It. Addie,maybe we should trade spouses.lol.im in the same boat you are.i love to get intamate and hug and kiss and cuddle.my wife 0.unreal.she told me the other day she dont even like sex anymore after we had it.how nice to say that.unreal. What to do about it: Similar to any other health issue, it's important to be compassionate and supportive of a partner struggling with mental health. Leah 09. I said I am a human male and I have basic needs. How I wish the girls would ask ME to dance at school dances. This can be emotionally wounding for her, and the man too if he has empathy. It may not really mean anything bigger at all. You can be honest while also being flexible and compassionate. What is the point of being married if there is no intimacy? This is how civilizations are built. I cant imagine a marriage/partnership where that wasnt the case. Another way to improve lack of sexual desire is to change things up in the bedroom. Just arent attracted to him anymore? But certainly different than when we were younger. And when that happens, what used to turn you on about your wife wont turn you on anymore. When home I was to do whatever he wanted me to. Weve been married almost 40 years and neither of us had any sex partners before we met. My spouse of 40 years has no lnterest ln sex ,he does not touch me exsept when on the couch he puts his leg over mine and hugs me before we go to bed as l have scoliosis and need to sleep ln a diff bed we go to places together and we get along he says lt is his prostate which the Dr confirmed but l feel lf he really wanted to he could he says after an o lt bothers him ,l love him,but feel he ls angry at me for stupid mistakes l made in the past not cheating but as cracked up our car ,l just want to feel loved,he bought me flowers for mothers day but l bitched as. He got the pill from the dr, but with his weight and age, I was just too scared for him to try it. 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He started blaming his medication but when I checked that out he moved on to another excuse. Ive tried to convey this, but without success. What is the solution? I mean the guy has a woman more than willing to get playful and see what happens and he uses porn? I was already starting to think that I was a man born in a womans body!!! As a kid I grew up without Christmas or birthdays. Maybe, she knows of your infidelity, but hasnt spoken about it? I hope the partner didnt expect to share the celibacy. Is it something we should split over? But after years without, I cant help but fantasize about past experiences, which makes me feel SO guilty. Regards Glenn. And ur right it is really screwed up knowing u might not get laid again or when that might be. Did your husband cheat on you after you stop having sex with him? But the giving up on relationship and each other is what happens. Unfortunately, Buck Necked is correct. All this can cause a person to go into anger and hibernate. 1. I have joint custody with my ex. Finally after 40yrs he tries to help and cares more now than at any point all the times before. Thats something that you honestly need to ask yourself. 80s, are victims of the same injustice and gender paradigms you are experiencing. If the marriage has made you take your personal hygiene for granted, this lax attitude could be a total turn-off for her. Good luck to you all and hope the juices start flowing soon for those that feel deprived. It's possible that you and your wife simply have different needs when it comes to sex. The LW sounds like a loving and considerate husband. I hope to eventually meet another same sex partner willing to take her time and see what works. He needs to get his hormone levels tested as he is mostly estrogen dominant and low test. I didnt either with my late husband Too much cheating etc. She has her own retail business, which cash flows, but has hasnt turned a profit in the last 5 years. Then, let the pouting begin. I dont look my age at all! That killed it for me. This put stress on things as did a lack of acceptance from my mother, to my Wife, until she died at 97. You need to find a woman who respects you and wants to be intimate with you on a consistent basis. I live in my garage, shop, apartment and happy as clam no yelling and name calling. Now its more about independence- Im tired of living in my spouses value system . If Im doing the very best I can and feeling pretty good about things, ITS NEVER ENOUGH. All the way. I desire foreplay and intimacy, not just intercourse. I also went down on her regularly, and now she doesnt even want me to try. My hubby is one happy camper. He is a selfish person he is only thinking of himself.
Wife doesn't want me to touch her breasts | Talk About Marriage She doesnt complain about helping me out but intercourse is quite painful for her and I dont want to press it if shes in pain. You talk about your wife not being in the mood. Thats an elusive state when were not driven by our hormones. I think that for me I need the human touch of a mature woman. A study published by the. Its like he just doesnt think about it ever. Our sexual problems are much more complex because I have accepted the fact that she really wants to be intimate but the cost is too high. There's nothing wrong with the lower-libido partnerthey simply just don't want sex as often as the other person. Youre the only one here who gets the dynamic. Absolute rubbish! Then ask them what they are willing to do about it once and for all. Suddenly it all makes sense. He sits around the house and watches tv all day long. BIG mistake. In good times, sex it a wonderful way to give and receive love. I actually considered early in my marriage that my husband might lean toward being gay and thats why he was somewhat uncomfortable having sex with me. I promised her I wouldnt embarrass her or shame her in front of family, friends, or church with an affair. Who risks? You need to be in the counseling with her because if there is no goal to overcome the issue then its just a feel good talk of sympathy and thats not treatment. . . Im just trying to talk to her and it pisses her off anytime I bring it up Im tired of masturbating two to three times a week so I can focus on the everyday things Im going on 33 years of marriage and this started at 15 years. Problem or seek medical help. Its important to understand the difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire. In some cases, this can escalate intopostpartum depression, which is a common reason why many women experience a lack of sexual desire after childbirth. I offered my husband a quick and easy as possible divorce. If he wont go, go on your own to express your feelings fully and evaluate whether you want to be in this marriage and, if so, what can be done to improve it. This isnt totally new for him either. Empathy is about feeling her burdens and sitting with them instead of trying to solve them. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life. Is the meds freak Im a woman that actually wants it my newlywed husband has no interest but I can tell he feels bad but hes ex military so hes to prideful to get pills Im 41 i been told a lot that Im beautiful .. ok not going there but I know Im a catch but even making him food in a nighty doesnt work he says wow babe thanks am like . Its a shame when a marriage reaches this point because so much of both people were invested in it at the beginning and for quite a while. If your wife doesnt want sex anymore, it may not be a low libido so much as a poor mom-life balance thats getting in the way of things. We have been married 38 years, and we love each other very much. . Quite frankly, I feel like he has been and is being cheated. Many claim that its women who become dis- This went on for years. In the end, she doesnt want it and I have stopped caring. I still love my wife dearly and I am committed to her but I have to take care of myself. If the lack of interest in physical intimacy came on suddenly and caught you unawares, it is possible that your wife is involved with another person. That's part of it, but in long-term relationships, sex is also the fastest route for a man to feel close and connected to his wife. My wife of 43 years has no need for sex except very infrequently and then only quick missionary. I feel like its just my life now. Im gonna ask you a serious question please be honest. I would be willing to bet the majority of men in our position have gone above and beyond to save our marriages, only to get a SELFISH wife to deny us to the point that we lose all our self esteem. I love my wife dearly after 52 years and great grandchildren I would have my junk removed before I hurt my family and our long marriage is a point of great pride and example for these people God allowed us to have in our lives. Right now Im going on over three months since shes wanted sex. My wife says shes convinced that my strong sex drive saved our marriage that got us through our in-laws, the deaths of 2 of our children, accidents, emergencies, seriou surgeries, any one of which could have destroyed us. You take care of you! NO! Emotional intimacy and physical intimacy go hand in hand. The fact that she cant be bothered to take a few minutes in the shower to manually make things right tells you everything you need to know. I can understand why youre anxious about talking to your wife about this, but communication is the only way youll get out of this impasse. When you first met her you were in an OTHER zone. We use a great lubricant called Astroglide, to help things along, good stuff. Be gentle and calm when you bring it up. I am new to this. Welcome to, IMO, male divine right. OATS and Senior Planet are charitable affiliates of AARP: | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy. This can be a disheartening situation to cope with. We still talk, but thats it. But at the same time love is kind and will not guilt trip. If 2 people really love love,then they will find ways to please each other. Just told her I wasnt going to follow all her B.S rule and moved out of the bedroom. You deserve to be happy in your life as well. If you love the person you will probably end up in the suffer category, unfortunately. She does not like to give blow jobs or hand jobs, so I have to do it myself, jerking off and imagining sex with anyone. Suffice it to say I got cut off when she started affairs with 3 other guys. Please, do us all a favor and retire from the one thing you SHOULD be retiring from-giving advice. well, about a year ago she took it upon herself to say no more sex. Sex was great and plentiful in beginning (weve been together 32yrs), but he has lost all interest and I havent had sex in years. Post-menopausal sex, for many women, is a meal offering little flavour or nutrition. She has absolutely no interest in it. We had sex once last year and it had been a while prior to that, but she told me that due to the pain and all, she doesnt want to do it any more. To me, that is emotional abuse. So around our house it is whispered, why is he mad? Medication also he ls good to me but his hobby ls everything to him he jokes around with me we are like room Women love that. As we age we need to look at things with a different perspective. If your wife avoids intimacy, this could be her way of punishing you for something she suspects you of. It works for him. 10. My beliefs are that I cannot step outside my marriage and commitment and it cost me some very good relationships with other women. And perhaps. Dear Joan, Drying up was a major problem. The night my son died was when my loss of interest began, in fact it vanished, period. how do i tell him that in this life, especially for them both, there is more to life than just sex. Dont fool yourself into thinking that what you say or how you say it will somehow turn her back on. That may not be possible. I think it was William Shakespeare who pondered what an irony it was that desire usually so outlasts ability. And the sex with my current partner is always strained because she doesnt show any real passion or desire to let go. She told me, a man should never get jealous of his wife f ing other men. 2. In most cases, Ive seen that men dont realize and acknowledge the needs of their wives. With a lot of talk and communication, we have made peace with our sex life. If us men were all so lucky! Joan Price is the authorof several books including The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50 andthe award-winning self-help bookNaked at Our Age.Visit Joans blog, Naked at Our Age and herFacebook page. We are 64 and 66 age, with my wife having a mitral valve replaced 30 years ago from childhood rheumatic fever and poor medical care, after our son was 6 years old. Will, I dont see ruling the relationship and demanding that a wife relieve her husband, even if shes sore or unwilling, as a solution to anything except an unhappy wife. Now, for the past several months, we go to bed together and after I have fallen asleep, he starts masterbating and the shaking of the bed awakens me. So my question to the men here. Since husbands are usually thought to be the problem regardless of whether the wife or the husband doesnt want sex, I should say that I do my fair share (50%+) of house chores, am emotionally supportive of her, and a nice guy, but that is irrelevant. Initially, it probably was mostly about the sex. Its strictly psychological as I have no problems when alone or watching porn, which she is totally against. My wife avoids intimacy a vast majority of married men live with this nagging feeling, sometimes for years on end. I am 64 years old and I have not had sex with my wife for about 7 years, she is 59 years old. You and your husband need to take some hours to reconnect, or try to reconnect, with the people you believe yourself to have been when you first fell in love with each other.